A man wearing a skirt to work

This week was a big step forward for me in my decision to be comfortable in my choice of dress in public. I mentioned in my introductory blog that when I got my diagnosis of cancer I made the decision that I would stop hiding my love of wearing skirts, dresses and tights and be much more open about it all. By now I have not worn trousers since August 19th, so over a month. The last hurdle was to go to work in my alternative dress. A dream that I have harboured for very many years.

Fairly early on I had written to one of my colleagues expressing my intentions. I had said that I do not want to present as a woman, I am not looking to becoming transgendered, I just wanted the option to wear skirts and dresses if I wanted. She was on the Diversity and Equality committee at work and passed on my request to them, the reply, to my joy, was positive; that there would be no problem with it, that legislation and policies were in place to cover my situation. I cannot tell you how happy I was to get that message. I wrote to my boss and told him of my intentions and asked if he had any issues with it. Again the answer came back that he had no problems at all with me coming in to work dressed in the way I wanted.  I sent a few more emails to colleagues to let them know, all the replies were positive. Then the big one. An all staff email letting them know that I would be returning to work, that I still had issues breathing and talking, so please do not keep asking me how I am, as I can't talk very much. I then let them know that my appearance would be different in that I am expressing an alternative gender identity. I did get replies to that mail, again all positive. The stage was set.

Monday 21st September 2015 I returned to work wearing a brown kilt skirt and plum coloured tights. The kilt skirt is always an easy option for anyone wanting to crossdress. It felt very good to be free. People were very happy to see me back after 4 months, and they couldn't care less about what I was wearing. The Tuesday I wore the same brown kilt skirt but with green tights. On Wednesday I wore my black denim skirt and light purple coloured tights and grey trainers. I was by now very confident in my choice. I stopped off at the garage on my way home to get petrol. Yes there were a few stares of people not quite being able to comprehend what they are seeing. It's quite fun to see the reactions.


Here is a photo of me in my lab in my new garb. That is a JEOL JSM-5310LV scanning electron microscope if you are interested! I was analysing some concretes for a client.


I really don't know why I have not done this before, it has been easy. I think the fear of ridicule that lives in a lot of crossdressers is what stops them. To be honest, there has been no ridicule, no jibes, nothing apart from a few double takes. Its just a man in skirt, get used to it!

Post-radio-iodine therapy scan in a MN/CT 670 Discovery

On the 11th September it was time to go back to Medway Hospital for my post treatment scan. This was to see if there had been uptake of the radio-iodine in my body and to image where this has occurred. I chose to wear a brown dress and plum coloured tights for this outing because it made me feel comfortable.


I was driven there and back as my energy was still quite low on the low dose (50mcg) levothyroxine - last day today, back on the 100mcg from tomorrow. Into the waiting room. A few stares from the other waiting patients but not very much reaction to a man in a dress. I spoke to the Sister who came to see how I was getting on. A long wait. After about 55 minutes I was called through to camera room 1, where I found one of these waiting for me.

A gamma camera that is tuned to receive the signal from iodine-131 using SPECT technology (single-photon emission computed tomography). I had a 5 minute scan to my neck, 5 minutes on chest and 5 minutes on pelvic region. Then I was flipped around for a 14 minute 3D scan around my upper body, then finally a 30 second whole body CT scan. Compared to all the other scans I have been through this was by far the most pleasant. Just lie there and relax.

The consultant came in and spoke with me briefly after the first section had completed. He said that there had been uptake of radio-iodine in my neck region. This is good because there was a possibility that it may not have worked since the surgeon said that the tumour was more aggressive that he first thought, that it was poorly differentiated, and though papillary in nature was behaving in an anaplastic manner. This imaging has shown this to be not quite so serious, and the radio-iodine would be killing the cancerous thyroid cells. He said he would call to discuss the rest of the scan with me on Monday. 

The RPS came in to discuss my radiation levels and how they might affect my personal X-ray monitoring badge at work. I was down to about 200MBq, and if I were to go in on Monday this would show up. I should discuss it with our RPA. So I have arranged to return to a working from home arrangement for the next week. I did contact the RPA who was not particularly worried about my levels. So a good news day.

Radioactive iodine-131 ablation therapy

This post combines the themes of the title of my blog nicely - cancer and clothes.

On Monday I was admitted to Medway Maritime Hospital to undergo the first of my planned radiotherapy courses. After much debate among the consultants it was decided to do this treatment first, rather than the external beam radiotherapy. The reason was that my lung metastases are giving the main symptoms, my shortness of breath and coughing. If I had gone straight into the external beam then it would not have been until November that they could start to hit the lungs with anything. So I-131 it is. This is ablation, that is the use of a radionuclide to attack only the remaining thyroid cells left after surgery, and any cancerous thyroid cells, wherever they may be in my body. Hopefully hitting those in the lymph nodes and lungs. In order for it to work I had to go through the liothyronine withdrawal and low-iodine diet, see previous post.

So Monday 7th September into the nuclear medicine department, for standard blood tests, checks, and paperwork. They were a little concerned that my blood pressure was lower than usual and pulse was running fast. A second BP measurement a little later showed a slight improvement, temperature was fine so they were satisfied that I was fit enough. For this adventure I chose my plain brown kilt and ecru socks. I had previously called ahead to the Sister in charge and explained that I was a man who preferred wearing skirts and dresses, and would it be ok for me to do that. Her reply gave me a lot of confidence, that I could wear whatever I felt comfortable in. Result. A kilt, even though plain gathers few second glances and is an easy option for the first few times out.

Eventually down to Lawrence Ward room 9 where all the patients who have this treatment go. It is an isolation ward with strict radiation protection principles applied. I was to bring a change of clothing which was disposable, in fact anything that went beyond the red barrier would be contaminated. So my mobile phone was placed inside a plastic ziplock, in order to charge it I had to don rubber gloves in order to handle the charger. Last hugs for a while and then to get changed. I had chosen a light green safari shirt dress that is very comfortable.

The time had come to ingest the radioactive capsule, 5.9 GBq activity of I-131. It is the beta radiation that causes the damage to the cancerous cells, but also emits gamma radiation which causes the proximity issues for radiation protection. The small pellet was stored in a lead pot. It was extracted with a long perspex rod which I had to upend which sent the pellet down my throat, washed down with plenty of water. My initial measurement was 57 (arbitrary units), but close enough to represent 5.9 GBq if multiplied by 10^8. Sit and wait for 45 minutes for the capsule to break down before I could eat. Lunch. A couple of hours after which I got bad diarrhoea. It eventually settled as did I to suck lemon drops - recommended to promote salivation to wash the radioactive iodine from the salivary glands, which could be damaged otherwise. In room 9 there was TV, DVD player, DAB radio, CD player, books, puzzles, magazines, a comfy reclining chair, a periscopic window that allows you to see out but others cannot see in, though for the most part this meant a view of a brick wall and some drainage pipes. Tea and coffee making facilities. An en-suite loo and shower room - though the shower did take about 5 minutes to get hot, and the drain was marginally higher than the surround! So comfortable enough - I have stayed in worse hotel rooms.

The readings came and went, I was plotting them out and it became a game to see if I could predict the exponential fall in the readings, 46, 35. Tuesday I felt awful. A bad head, a swollen and painful neck. Eventually I was given some painkillers and was put on steroids for the swelling. 15, 13, 11. Wednesday morning, the first reading was 6, below the level of 8 that represents the 800 MBq upper limit for safety, so I could be discharged later in the day. 

Chloe the physicist who had been administering the I-131 and monitoring my levels had calculated that at my time of discharge at 2pm I had 487 MBq remaining. Most of the reduction in activity is by excretion, so I had to try and squeeze out a wee before each measurement. All my bodily secretions are radioactive, so hygiene is paramount. I was given a list of restrictions on how close I was allowed to be to people for how long over what period. The half life of I-131 is just over 8 days, so I will remain marginally radioactive for some time to come, enough to set off radiation detectors at security check points at airports and the like! Then my meds. I get to go back on Levothyroxine - yay! but only a low dose to start with. Hopefully that will build up my energy again. 

Home time, I had to sit diagonally opposite the driver as one of the 1m restrictions. When I got home I am not allowed to have close contact, less than 1m for any more that 15 minutes per day, until after Friday. I have to sleep downstairs. The cat has gone on holiday for a week while I am still radioactive. I felt completely wiped out. 

Thursday, a day of rest, I make the most of it as I am back to the hospital tomorrow for another scan. Gorge on fish and dairy now!!

Liothyronine withdrawal

So I am well into the second week of my withdrawal from the liothyronine hormone replacement and low iodine diet that is required for the remaining thyroid cells, cancerous or otherwise, to become iodine avid in readiness for the radioactive iodine-131 which will be administered on Monday. They said that I might become tired. And I was. I was also having difficulty sleeping. Last night was the worst and my arms were tingling and feeling really odd. It seemed like it might be lack of calcium as I was told to expect those symptoms after the thyroid surgery. So initially I was taking Ca tablets and gradually, as instructed, came off them. No problems. But it seems that I now need them again as I may not be getting enough Ca from my low iodine diet which has cut out all dairy products.

A couple of times last week I didn't eat soon enough and I hit an energy brick wall where I was almost unable to chew to get the food into me. This does happen to me sometimes but is usually preceded by gasping yawns. None of that this time, just bang, no energy. After eating I will revive fairly quickly.

Today I feel much better. I cleaned all the surfaces in the kitchen. I did not get that much of an energy dip at lunch time. More Ca this afternoon and I'll have another before bed to see if it will help. It would have been good to have been warned of this beforehand.

A trip to the vet

This morning was time to take the cat to the vets as I will be radioactive for a few days when I come out of hospital, so he needs his vaccinations and annual check up. Expensive business. Yesterday my Karimoor trainers arrived so this was their first time out. I decided on my brown utility kilt, green tights and brown trainers, shirt and buff sweater. I though it was all rather good. There was no reaction to my garb in the waiting room. What is all the fuss about? Its easy.

Introduction to my Blog

This is the first blog I have tried, I do not know if I am doing it correctly or not, let's press on and find out.
I have cancer.
There, that's a start.
I wear skirts.
press on...

I have made a decision that I do not want to hide my love of wearing clothes that most males do not wear. I step back from saying wearing women's clothes because I do wear skirts that were made for men. It is a distinction that is becoming clearer, men can wear skirts and dresses and still be men. I do like occasionally to go the whole hog and dress up to the nines for a special occasion, a party or suchlike, but what I am talking about here is everyday wear. I want to use this as a scratchpad for my experiences of a man wearing skirts.

I have worn women's clothes for a very long time, but kept it secret. Gradually over the years it has been less secret and now most of my friends know me as Ian who likes to wear skirts. But now, as I am 2 months or so into living with a cancer, that they don't think can be cured, I see the time is right to live my own way, not be afraid, and to switch my lifestyle to something that I am more comfortable with. I do not know how much time I have left on this planet so the rest is me time.

It will probably be a mixture of events related to my cancer treatments and how it is affecting me and experiences I have of being out in public skirted. I don't know yet, let's see. Anyway enough for now.

Do I hit that publish button?